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Getting Out of My Own Way (Feb 2006)

Over the last couple of years I have done a lot of soul searching into why I have made the choices in life that have led me to where I am.  I have dreams.  I am capable, smart, sometimes funny and yet I can never seem to accomplish all that I set out to do.

First off I am never sure that I am headed in the right direction. I remember in college and even in high school, I had friends who knew exactly what they were destined to do in their lives. They knew where they were headed and I envied and pitied them at the same time. On the one hand, knowing where they were headed made all their decisions easier; they had a compass.  On the other hand, I could envision all of these other doors slamming shut. By deciding where they were headed, in my mind they were closing off all sorts of exciting possibilities. I was keeping my options open.

Somewhere along the way, I was exposed to Barbara Winter’s book, Making a Living Without a Job and then her seminar by the same name and I finally had a goal. I wanted to be job-free.  I burned to be free.  And after a couple of years of wishing, I quit my job, moved to the Shenandoah Valley and started my new life.

There was one small problem. I still did not know exactly what I wanted to do.  I knew I did not want a job.  I did not want tomorrow to look exactly like yesterday. But of course I did want to pay the mortgage and to eat.   So I tried this and I tried that and I started this web-site.

I knew that Jack Canfield was on to something with his book, The Success Principles.  I did the vision exercise. The problem was and is that you need to really know what you want, you need to know your purpose and that is still so hard for me to pin down. I wrote it but do I really own it?

Why do I sabotage myself so much of the time?  I get these brilliant opportunities and wonderful ideas and then I don’t follow through. I am my own worst enemy.

In his book, Taming Your Gremlin, Rick Carson says that the first step is to notice. And I do.  I have got my gremlin pegged and I know him when I see him but I have not tamed him yet.

There is going to have to be a detour on my Journey to Success.  I am going to pause and deal with this guy. I will let you know how it turns out.  I will Win.

(c) Jeanne Russell 2006 - All Rights reserved