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Home >> Articles on Success >> Principles 1-4
- Principle 1 - Take 100% responsibility for your life
- Be clear why you are here
- Decide what you want
- Believe its possible
Principle 4. - Believe it is Possible
A boyfriend once told me that when he was little, he was sure that if a piece of debris was to fall from the sky, it was destined to fall on his head. He just knew that the universe was out to get him. For him, life was a series of trials and mishaps that had to be endured and if there was sometimes happiness, there was also another problem headed his way. More...
Principle 2 - Be Clear Why You’re Here
Parenthood - Why am I writing about parenthood under “Be clear on Why You are here”? Like a lot of people, the transition of becoming a parent was the defining moment in my life. I was 30 years old when I had Daniel but I do not think I was truly an adult until sometime after that. Maybe it was when he was a baby and he started to choke one day. That experience changed me in a way that nothing else has. I did what needed to be done in the moment and then when the danger was past, I totally freaked out.
Now I know how precious life is and how tenuous.
Until I was a parent, I never had goals, did not even consider the possibility of owning my own home. (Only rich people can buy their homes.) I was just floating along having a good time but never really amounting to anything. I was one of those people who never lived up to their potential.
Once I had Daniel, I wanted more from life and I wanted to be a real role model for him. I also learned about the power of the mind in getting what you want. When I bought my first house, I was a GS5 civilian working for the Army. I made very little money and lived in the high mortgage area of Arlington, VA. I refused to have a long commute as I wanted to spend as much time as possible with Daniel and my real life.
No one thought I could qualify for a house in Arlington. I was encouraged to buy a condo but I was determined to buy a house. I did not want the rules and fees associated with a condo. When I found my duplex, I knew immediately that it was the place for me. But could I afford it? I really did not make enough money to buy that house but my sister acted as my realtor and waived her fee, the seller agreed to pay the points, I got some creative financing and wrote a letter to the underwriters. Viola! Daniel celebrated his 2nd birthday in our new home.
OK so what’s the point? The point is that parenthood created in me the motivation and confidence I needed to achieve. I was able to define myself as Daniel’s mom. But now it is time to go beyond that definition of my purpose in life. I need to understand my purpose besides being a mom. At 42, I need to find my place in the world.
As I write this, I amazed at my own willingness to expose myself in this way. I mean the whole world can read this! (Luckily, I do not get much traffic on this site - Oh well!)
Jeanne
Principle 1 Accepting Responsibility for where we are - March 19th 2005
According to Jack we must first accept that we are each totally responsible for where we are in this life. It is our response to events in our lives that determine the outcome, not the events themselves. In other words, no matter what happens to us, we always have a choice and the choice determines where we end up. Jack goes even further then this but it is not my intention to re-teach his book so we will stop here. This is so basic but I think many people have real trouble with this one. “I tried my best and it was messed up anyway!” or “It is not my fault that she did not keep her word and things got messed up!” We all rationalize every day. For me I think I am good at accepting responsibility for the problems in my business life. Lord knows I have made many many mistakes. I am trying to learn from them and to improve as I go and would like to think that I am making progress. Where I run into trouble is my personal life but I am making progress there as well. Let me brag a little. But first I must admit a flaw. I tend to get mad at my friends for being themselves. That sounds stupid but I think we all do it to a certain extent. We love our friends for their unique qualities and then we get mad at them because they don’ see things just the way we do. Anyway, my friend Suzanne is a lovely person, with a kind heart, and a creative mind that goes many miles a minute. I truly believe that she is a kindred spirit and I love her dearly. Suzanne is not the most reliable person in the world (neither am I, I am working on it). She has so many things she wants to do and people she wants to help, she just does not always think it through. Anyway she had plans to take her son to the movies one Saturday afternoon and I told her of my plans to take my son to see a friend’s band and eat dinner that night. So we decided that when they finished the movie, they would meet us at our house and we would all go together. The time was not set as she did not know the movie schedule. I told her I was flexible on the time but to call me when she had a ball park figure. Before reading and embracing Canfield’s book, I would have waited and waited and fumed and fumed and by the time I realized that she was not coming or calling, I would have been so pissed off and it would be too late to get anything to eat out and the friendship might have ended over it. Really. But in this instance, I waited until I was hungry, called her cell phone and home phone, left a message that we were hungry and would meet her there. Daniel and I went and had dinner and heard a great blues session. My friend introduced us to all the people that were in the jam session and we were treated as special guests. We had a wonderful time and I got lots of attention (which does not always happen when I am with my thin, pretty, lively friend). I was not mad and did not try to make her feel bad. Just think of how miserable I would be if I depended on her for my nights enjoyment. Had she showed, we would have also had a great time.I know it seems like such a small thing but mastering this one principle really has made my life better already. Jeanne
May 25th, 2005
I have just been reading Success Bound by Randy Gilbert and one of the things that became immediately clear to me is that I really need to work on the second success principle in Jack Canfield’s book.
According to Randy Gilbert, there are three main reasons why people fail, 1. They don’t know what they want, 2. They know what they want but do not know how to get it, or 3. They know what they want but something is holding them back.
In my case it is a little more fundamental then that. I think I know what I want my life to look like but I do not really know what my purpose is in the world. I did the exercises in The Success Principles and moved ahead but actually I am stuck on this fundamental question: Why am I here? For me this is the hardest part of the whole thing. And according to Randy Gilbert and Jack Canfield, it is essential. There is a reason that it is the second Principle and not the last. If I am not sure why I am here, how can I do any of the other things necessary for success?
I have done the Vision Exercise in Chapter 3 and feel confident that my vision for my life is right on. But the actual purpose of my life eludes me.
I completed the “Life Purpose Exercise” and this is what I came up for my personal mission statement:
My purpose is to use my creativity and enthusiasm to enlighten people about the benefits of embracing their own
(and others’) freedom and right to self determination and to help people acknowledge our collective responsibility to be good stewards of the earth and truly love all her creatures (including the “bad” guys).
Blah, Blah, Blah....
I am totally at a loss and think that this might be one of the major factors holding me up.
Jack, please help! I will start a daily meditation to help me clarify my purpose. I probably do know it but I can’t hear with all the noise of daily life and pressures (like mortgage payments and plumbing!) Oh to be on a long retreat!!!
More Later - Jeanne
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